The Four Agreements.
Be Impeccable With Your Word;
Don’t Take Anything Personally;
Don’t Make Assumptions;
Always Give Your Best.
Agreement 1: Be Impeccable With Your Word
Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.
‘Impeccability means “without sin.” Impeccable comes from the Latin pecatus, which means “sin.” The im in impeccable means “without,” so impeccable means “without sin.”’
Your intent is created through your word. Your words have the power to destroy or to create. When we say a person is under a ‘spell’, it is caused by the words that have made them believe or accept a new agreement—often these are negative.
‘We use the word to curse, to blame, to find guilt, to destroy. Of course, we also use it in the right way, but not too often. Mostly we use the word to spread our personal poison-to express anger, jealousy, envy, and hate.’
Gossip is particularly bad for everyone involved, and not just the target of the gossiping. We have the power to ruin someone’s day in a sentence and hurt ourselves horribly at the same time.
‘Your opinion is nothing but your point of view. It is not necessarily true. Your opinion comes from your your own beliefs, ego, and your own dream.’
If you are impeccable with your word, it becomes a shield against the negative words of others.
Agreement 2: Don’t Take Anything Personally
Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.
‘Personal importance, or taking things personally, is the maximum expression of selfishness because we make the assumption that everything is about “me.”’
Things that others say and do is nothing to do with you. It is about them.
When we take things personally, we take offence. When we take offence, we defend ourselves. When we defend ourselves, we create conflict. When we create conflict, we inflict harm. On ourselves and on others.
‘Do not expect people to tell the truth because they also lie to themselves. You have to trust yourself and choose to believe or not to believe what someone says to you.’
When we say ‘don’t take things personally’, we mean this in both positive and negative terms. Don’t take anything personally, even compliments. This can work against us, too.
‘Whatever people do, feel, think, or don’t take say, it personally. If they tell you how wonderful you are, they are not saying that because of you. You know you are wonderful. It is not necessary to believe other people who tell you that you are wonderful.’
Even your own opinions about yourself aren’t necessarily true. Don’t take them personally, either. When we take things personally, we suffer a lot. not doing so gives us immunity to all sorts of things.
‘If you keep this agreement, you can travel around the world with your heart completely open and no one can hurt you. You can say, “I love you,” without fear of being ridiculed or rejected. You can ask for what you need. You can say yes, or you can you say no whatever choose, without guilt or self-judgment.’
Agreement 3: Don’t Make Assumptions
Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness, and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.
The central problem with assumptions is that we believe them to be true, when they likely aren’t. We then gossip on this basis, and we create difficulties.
‘Making assumptions in our relationships is really asking for problems. Often we make the assumption that our partners know what we think and that we don’t have to say what we want. We assume they are going to do what we want, because they know us so well. If they don’t do what we assume they should do, we feel so hurt and say, “You should have known.”’
We make assumptions in all kinds of circumstances: when we hear; when we don’t hear; when we understand; and when we don’t understand.
The way to stop making assumptions is to ask questions, and plenty of them, until you actually know.
‘We also make assumptions about ourselves, and this creates a lot of inner conflict. “I think I am able to do this.” You make this assumption, for instance, then you discover aren’t able to do it. You overestimate or underestimate yourself because you haven’t taken the time to ask yourself questions and to answer them. Perhaps you need to gather more facts about a particular situation. Or maybe you need to stop lying to yourself about what you truly want.’
Agreement 4: Always Do Your Best
Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse, and regret.
‘If you try too hard to do more than your best, you will spend more energy than is needed and in the end your best will not be enough.’
Your ‘best’ always changes from one moment to the next. if you always do your best, though, there is no way that you can feasibly judge yourself. If you do less than your best, though, you will subject yourself to guilt and growing self judgment.
‘Action is about living fully. Inaction is the way that we deny life. Inaction is sitting in front of the television every day for you are afraid to be alive and to take the risk of expressing what years because you are. Expressing what you are is taking action.’
Take joy in the things that you do without any expectation of any kind of your reward. This is truly doing your best.
‘Not enjoying what is happening right now is living in the past and being only half alive. This leads to self pity, suffering, and tears.’
Doing your best also means taking action in the present, in the here and now. If you don’t, you can’t really live.
‘If you break an agreement, begin again tomorrow, and again the next day. It will be difficult at first, but each day will become easier and easier.’